Very sick father in-law

My FIL has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  It’s inoperable and spread to a few vital organs already, putting him at stage IVb.

He was diagnosed on Tuesday and told he had maybe a year.  Everyone was shocked, obviously.  That’s how this cancer appears to be for almost everyone: swift and cruel.  We went down to see him and my MIL on Wednesday and other than being in pain and understandably more impatient than usual, he was his normal self.  It was a good visit.  On Friday they spoke to the oncologist who told them he probably only had a few months, which was more in line with what we had been reading.  It could even be weeks.

On Saturday we were supposed to go see him in the early afternoon but they had visitors left and right, so we postponed for a few hours.  My MIL ended up taking him to urgent care (after calling hospice) in the early evening, because he was acting very out of it and having vision problems.  They gave him half a bag of fluids and did a CT scan, where they found two lesions on his brain in the area that controls the optic nerve.  We’re pretty sure he had a stroke.  By the time we saw him he could barely remember who Eleanor, my SIL’s husband, or I were, had almost no memory of the last month or so, and he seemed to be under the impression that he was recovering from an illness.

This latest turn has been incredibly hard on the family.  Everyone expected him to be lucid for the duration, so in some ways it feels like we’ve already lost him.  Having to explain to him over and over why he’s in pain, and telling him that he just saw so-and-so yesterday, etc. has been heartbreaking.  On the other hand I have to believe that it’s easier for him, not knowing that he’s about to die.  He and my MIL had everything well-prepared, so it’s not like he needed to do any last minute things.  Maybe it’s better this way.

If you have a thought to spare send one to his family, especially his wife.  There’s nothing we can do for him now, except make him more comfortable and keep him as happy as possible.  That task is taking a huge toll on all of the family, but most especially his primary care-giver.  I don’t know how she does it.

Dispatch from the road

I have internet access at my aunt and uncle’s, so figured I’d post a quick update on us.

The ride down was fine, though a bit hairy in parts.  We left a day earlier than we had wanted to because of the weather, and I’m glad we did.  The first day on the road was nasty.  I have a pic of the freeway as we were leaving the first hotel, which I’ll post later.  It was basically a pure white road with no lanes!  At least we were one of the only cars on the road.  Our car trucked through it just fine.  Eleanor did wonderfully in the car, sleeping the majority of the way.

At some point on the way down, all three of us and most of my family came down with a cold.  We’re all still fighting it.  Figures, but what can you do?  Just life.

Disneyland was fun, though quite a bit harder with Eleanor than I had hoped it would be.  She had a few major breakdowns on rides, which was not so fun, the worst one being on the Finding Nemo ride!  Ugh.  (For those who don’t know: it’s a submarine.  Yeah, imagine a baby screaming on a submarine!  It was awful.)  For the most part she was a trooper and slept quite a bit in her stroller.  Her favorite rides were Small World – she was enthralled! – and Dumbo.  Riding through Small World with her made my trip.  She was so excited and happy!

We got to my aunt and uncle’s – my uncle is my father’s brother -  in So Cal on the 26th, and had a great first evening here.  However we woke up to the news that my paternal grandfather had passed away in his sleep the night before.  : (  My grandpa successfully fought off lymphoma two years ago – it was Christmas time when he was diagnosed – but never truly recovered.  He’s been pretty ill ever since, and we’ve been worried several times that we were about to lose him.  So his death was not exactly shocking, but still felt a bit out of left field.  He had been doing pretty well lately.  My grandma seems to be coping well.  In a way it was the best possible timing: we would all have come down here for his funeral anyway of course, but this way my grandma also has help making arrangements, etc. and has all of her family around her for support.  One of my uncles lives with her still, so I’m sure he’ll keep her good company in the future.  (She lives about an hour and a half away from my other uncle, so I’m glad she has someone closer.)

Looks like the funeral is going to be this Saturday, and we’ll be staying for that.  We were originally going to leave on Friday.  John’s work is very generous and gives him three days of bereavement leave even for his spouse’s grandparents, so that’s great.  He has enough time saved anyway, but it’s a nice bonus.

We’re hoping for an uneventful conclusion to this trip.  The roads have cleared quite a bit, so at least there’s that.

Illness strikes! Her first cold

Poor baby is sick.  : (  I’ve thought a few times in the past that she might be coming down with something, but nothing ever came of those.  Now she is definitely sick.  I’m sick too, which is actually helpful: her symptoms aren’t easily diagnosed, but mine are definitely a cold.  It’s been a lot harder on her – fever, sleeping constantly but very poorly, just out of it.  I hate this!  We’ve been trying not to give her a ton of medicine so that her body can kill off the bugs, but I hate seeing her miserable.  I am very grateful that she didn’t get her first cold until she was over eight months old, but I wish she could have dodged that bullet entirely.

In other news, the shopping trip went well.  I’ve lost a ton of weight and am having trouble finding jeans/pants that fit me.  I seem to be stuck in between a four and a six (I know, nice problem to have and believe me, I’m very excited about this!  I’ve always been a 6-8, and four has been entirely out of reach since early high school.)  I did find a cute pair of jeans that fit pretty well, but they’re too long on me (as usual) and I still need to wear a belt.  Sigh.

The mall we went to had a shooting that night (we were gone already) and the next day!  It was a nice mall and had just been redone, which is why we chose that one, but I doubt we’ll be choosing it again.  Which is fine by me since it’s kind of a hike.

And let the cooing begin!

For weeks now Eleanor has been making these little mouth movements (looking like a monkey, for the most part) and acting like she was trying to talk, but then finally on Tuesday night – two nights ago – she got something out! She laid there while John and I played with her and cooed! She did it on and off for about five minutes, then got hungry and fussy. : ) Later on that evening, I had her propped up in front of me getting ready to feed her (yet again!) She was fussing a bit, then at the end of a string of little cries she made this perfect coo sound. I looked up really fast and she had this look like “did I do that?” I said “yeah?” to her really brightly, and her whole face lit up into this huge, gorgeous grin!! It was the best smile I have ever seen from her! Then she went immediately back to crying for food, haha! Mercurial child… Ever since then, she coos a few times pretty much every time she’s awake. It’s like as soon as she figured out how to do it, it’s easy and she does it all the time.

In other developments, I cut out all dairy in hopes of helping her colic, and it might be working. It also could be complete coincidence! Some friends are coming over on Friday and we’re having fondue, so I’ll find out if she is indeed sensitive to dairy. I really hope she isn’t: I’m not a huge meat eater, so dairy is one of my best sources of protein. Plus I just really miss cheese!

We’re also trying acidophilus pills for me and baby probiotics for her to help her colic and reflux. There’s some research showing that they help. There’s plenty of research showing that they’re safe, so it’s worth a shot.

With all this fussiness, I’ve noticed that if I read to her as she’s nursing she stays calmer and eats better. So instead of reading ten baby books to her every nursing session, I just started reading Harry Potter, haha! She seems to like it, I think… At any rate it’s much more interesting to me, and I think John enjoys listening in, too. : )